Good memory #1 

I remember spending hours at a time in my grandmothers kitchen. She would be going about her day and I would be listening to her talk and listening to her 20’s-40’s music. She would sit with me at the table and we would just talk for hours. 

She taught me manners, etiquette, love and respect. 

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Chronic Illness Sucks

Having a chronic illness, not mention more than one, really sucks (for a lack of a better word). Not only is it horrible to go through all the symptoms that come with the illness, you must deal with all the consequences that come with it.

Not being able to do the things you used to. Clean house, cook, go out, see friends, miss out on your daughter’s events, interfering with work. The big one is not being able to laugh like you used to. You are just not your go lucky happy self, no matter how hard you try. Chronic illness really takes a lot from you.

Being alone in this battle is the worse. No one understands, maybe they really just don’t care to understand. Everyone is going about their life while you are stuck in your lonely chronic illness life.



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Letter from Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis

Hi. My name is Hashimoto’s. I’m an invisible autoimmune disease that attacks your thyroid gland causing you to become hypothyroid.
I am now velcroed to you for life. If you have hypothyroidism, you probably have me. I am the number one cause of it in the U.S. and many other places around the world.
I’m so sneaky–I don’t always show up in your blood work.
Others around you can’t see me or hear me, but YOUR body feels me.
I can attack you anywhere and any way I please.
I can cause severe pain or, if I’m in a good mood, I can just cause you to ache all over.
Remember when you and energy ran around together and had fun?
I took energy from you, and gave you exhaustion. Try to have fun now.
I can take good sleep from you and in its place, give you brain fog and lack of concentration.
I can make you want to sleep 24/7, and I can also cause insomnia.
I can make you tremble internally or make you feel cold or hot when everyone else feels normal.
I can also give you swollen hands and feet, swollen face and eyelids, swollen everything.
I can make you feel very anxious with panic attacks or very depressed. I can also cause other mental health problems. You know crazy mood swings? That’s me. Crying for no reason? Angry for no reason? That’s probably me too.
I can make your hair fall out, become dry and brittle, cause acne, cause dry skin, the sky is the limit with me.
I can make you gain weight and no matter what you eat or how much you exercise, I can keep that weight on you. I can also make you lose weight. I don’t discriminate.
Some of my other autoimmune disease friends often join me, giving you even more to deal with.
If you have something planned, or are looking forward to a great day, I can take that away from you. You didn’t ask for me. I chose you for various reasons:
That virus or viruses you had that you never really recovered from, or that car accident, or maybe it was the years of abuse and trauma (I thrive on stress.) You may have a family history of me. Whatever the cause, I’m here to stay.
I hear you’re going to see a doctor to try and get rid of me. That makes me laugh. Just try. You will have to go to many, many doctors until you find one who can help you effectively.
You will be put on the wrong medication for you, pain pills, sleeping pills, energy pills, told you are suffering from anxiety or depression, given anti-anxiety pills and antidepressants.
There are so many other ways I can make you sick and miserable, the list is endless – that high cholesterol, gall bladder issue, blood pressure issue, blood sugar issue, heart issue among others? That’s probably me.
Can’t get pregnant, or have had a miscarriage?
That’s probably me too.
Shortness of breath or “air hunger?” Yep, probably me.
Liver enzymes elevated? Yep, probably me.
Teeth and gum problems? TMJ?
Hives? Yep, probably me.
I told you the list was endless.
You may be given a TENs unit, get massaged, told if you just sleep and exercise properly I will go away.
You’ll be told to think positively, you’ll be poked, prodded, and MOST OF ALL, not taken seriously when you try to explain to the endless number of doctors you’ve seen, just how debilitating I am and how ill and exhausted you really feel. In all probability you will get a referral from these ‘understanding’ (clueless) doctors, to see a psychiatrist.
Your family, friends and co-workers will all listen to you until they just get tired of hearing about how I make you feel, and just how debilitating I can be.
Some of them will say things like “Oh, you are just having a bad day” or “Well, remember, you can’t do the things you use to do 20 YEARS ago”, not hearing that you said 20 DAYS ago.
They’ll also say things like, “if you just get up and move, get outside and do things, you’ll feel better.” They won’t understand that I take away the ‘gas’ that powers your body and mind to ENABLE you to do those things.
Some will start talking behind your back, they’ll call you a hypochondriac, while you slowly feel that you are losing your dignity trying to make them understand, especially if you are in the middle of a conversation with a “normal” person, and can’t remember what you were going to say next. You’ll be told things like, “Oh, my grandmother had that, and she’s fine on her medication” when you desperately want to explain that I don’t impose myself upon everyone in the exact same way, and just because that grandmother is fine on the medication SHE’S taking, doesn’t mean it will work for you.
They will not understand that having this disease impacts your body from the top of your head to the tip of your toes, and that every cell and every body system and organ requires the proper amount and the right kind of of thyroid hormone medication for YOU…..Not what works for someone else.
The only place you will get the kind of support and understanding in dealing with me is with other people that have me. They are really the only ones who can truly understand.
I am Hashimoto’s Disease.

((Credit:: ))chronic

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What the heck is Hashimoto’s?

Hashimoto’s disease, also called chronic lymphocytic thyroiditis or autoimmune thyroiditis, is an autoimmune disease. An autoimmune disease is a disorder in which the body’s immune system attacks the body’s own cells and organs. Normally, the immune system protects the body from infection by identifying and destroying bacteria, viruses, and other potentially harmful foreign substances.

In Hashimoto’s disease, the immune system attacks the thyroid gland, causing inflammation and interfering with its ability to produce thyroid hormones. Large numbers of white blood cells called lymphocytes accumulate in the thyroid. Lymphocytes make the antibodies that start the autoimmune process.

Hashimoto’s disease often leads to reduced thyroid function, or hypothyroidism. Hypothyroidism is a disorder that occurs when the thyroid doesn’t make enough thyroid hormone for the body’s needs. Thyroid hormones regulate metabolism—the way the body uses energy—and affect nearly every organ in the body. Without enough thyroid hormone, many of the body’s functions slow down. Hashimoto’s disease is the most common cause of hypothyroidism in the United States.1

Yes, of course I have this. I have been put on Synthroid ( a synthetic thyroid hormone).There are side effects, and yes I have had some.

The worse part is I ordered my own blood test to try and figure out what was wrong with me. I just felt is was more than Fibromyalgia. I was right! The endocrinologist I saw looked over all my blood test since 2011 (when everything started) and said there were signs from then, that I had a thyroid problem. This thyroid problem has put me into early menopause, high cholesterol, with a higher rate for heart attack, and a fatty liver. As you can see the Thyroid is a very important part of your overall health.

So, I’m trying to exercise more. Went on a gluten free diet (I hate the word diet) and cut out my alcohol (which I also hate). But they all have to be done. thyroid

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Fibromyalgia, Depression and Anxiety

By Dr Ananya Mandal, MD

Fibromyalgia is characterized by widespread spontaneous pain. There are several associated symptoms that include fatigue, lack of refreshing sleep, cognitive impairments, abdominal discomfort, and headache. Depression and anxiety disorders are another associated symptom of fibromyalgia.

Fibromyalgia and depression

Depression is prominent in fibromyalgia patients with the risk of getting depressive symptoms at least once being about 90% and getting major depressive disorder (MDD) being about 62–86% in fibromyalgia patients.

It has been found that at any point in time both depression and fibromyalgia occur concurrently in at least 40% cases.

Depression prevalence rates range between 20% and 80%. Several studies have speculated that there may be a common pathophysiology between depression and fibromyalgia.

Genetic and environmental factors

There is evidence that genetic and environmental factors predispose individuals to develop depression or fibromyalgia. Specific genes, when present do not cause depression but they increase the risk of developing depression in response to a precipitating event.

The activity of certain chemical messengers in the brain including serotonin, catecholamines, monoamines, glutamate, and brain-derived neurotrophic factor are altered in both depression and fibromyalgia.

There is evidence that an alteration or polymorphism at the serotonin transporter (5-HTT) gene could be implicated in MDD as well as in fibromyalgia.

Major depressive disorder (MDD) subtypes

Similar to fibromyalgia, there are three subtypes of MDD. It has been seen that the subtypes of melancholic and atypical depression form around 60% of all MDD in patients with fibromyalgia. The third subtype is MDD with psychotic features.

Thus, pain provokes depression, due to its stressful consequences. Depression and pain share the same roots in the brain and depression provokes pain, due to increased pain sensitivity. Further both depression and fibromyalgia are amenable to treatment with anti-depressants.

Fibromyalgia and Anxiety

Anxiety disorders are considered to be important secondary symptoms in fibromyalgia patients. The prevalence of these symptoms among fibromyalgia sufferers ranges between 13% and 71%.

Anxious symptoms can further compromise the course of the disease. Anxiety in fibromyalgia may increase the severity of pain perception and thus increase the severity of the disease.

The prevalence of psychological abnormalities, particularly depression is also seen along with anxiety disorders among fibromyalgia sufferers.

Fibromyalgia patients may suffer from severe symptoms negatively affecting patients’ job performance as well as accomplishment of motor and cognitive tasks. This alters family relations and restricts social activities and contacts. Anxiety takes more severe forms than depression in fibromyalgia cases.

Presence of anxiety symptoms is a transitory and conscious emotional state that is associated with unpleasant feelings of nervousness, tension, concern and increased activity of the sympathetic nervous system. This is called state-anxiety.

Trait-anxiety is seen where patients have similar reactions to situations that may be perceived as threatening. These reactions are based on the patient’s personal experiences. The development of the anxiety trait and its maintenance are thus related with the individual’s past experiences and its related conditioning.

The presence of anxiety can influence pain perceptions and decrease pain thresholds in fibromyalgia patients. Patients often get anxious over the fact that there is no cure, pain is the main symptom and the disease provokes feelings of ignorance and insecurity arousing anxiety.

These patients frequently present with abnormal pain sensations or paresthesia and headaches as well.

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I’m going on 4 years with the diagnosis of Fibromyalgia. What have I learned? 

I’ve learned that there are days I can be “lazy” and not be ashamed of it. I need that mental and physical break. Being a full time working mom is not easy, but I’m learning to do it my way. There are days I feel like my brain is not like it used to be, that is a very big challenge. I hate saying “oh I forgot”. I used to remember everything! Not so much anymore. 

She is the reason I try so hard. I want her to be proud of me. 

Four years of pain is not easy. Some days so intense, that I can’t even explain it to a person who does not have a chronic condition. My pain days have become less, thankfully. I e started to take Hemp Oil Pills a vitamin suppliment ( no it does not get you high). These have made a huge improvement in my everyday life.  


I’ll keep improving myself. 

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I’ll Never Forget…….


It is hard to believe it has been 7 years since you left. The short 36 years that you were here on earth were magical. I am the lucky one to have had you in my life. There are way too many great memories I’ve shared with you. I’m grateful for every single one of them. You are a one of a kind friend.

Maybe in another life
I could find you there
Pulled away before your time

(Offspring: Gone Away)

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My Time with Dr. Grosch

January 6th marks the 1 year anniversary of a soul that left us way too soon.122909 035

Dr. Grosch  joined the practice with Dr. Line when our other doctor decided to retire from medicine. I was not sure what to think of this man. He never wore a white doctors coat and never a tie. He was dressed like any “regular” guy. Always came into work with his motorcycle jacket and backpack. Never acted like he was above another. He was always joyful and wanted everyone to have a good time at work. If you were not smiling or happy, he sure had his way of making sure you did. So many jokes, so much laughter and joy was spent with him.

One memory he and I would always joke about with one anther was the first time he played a “joke” on me. It was when he first started and I was on the phone with another doctor and he came in the door where I was sitting and “sneezed” all over me. Well, it was not a real sneeze it was just water he had sprinkled on me. I got so mad at him. He later told me how sorry he was. Well, needless to say we became great friends, after I got my head out of my butt 🙂

He was always there to listen to me and give me the best advice on situations. The best advice he gave me was to be happy, love my family, do what I love, and live my life the best I could. So to honor him I am going to do just that.

I will miss him everyday. But also know he will be watching me to make sure I do what he told me. I am grateful he was in my life.

He made them a happy 5 years.

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Afternoon Hike

We went on a little afternoon hike today! It was short but sweet. Going to try and do more hikes. These were taken at #IronHorseTrailhead in Valencia

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First post of 2015

Going to try and make this a great year. The last few have not been so grand. So let’s start with some pictures of my daughter, Leah.

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